Sep 20, 2011


well it's been a long time.  i know i know.  sooooo much has been going on in my life, i just don't know where to start.  i guess i'll start at the beginning.....

i landed a new job.  that's right.  back in may i started with a new company which allows me to work monday through friday.  NO WEEKENDS AND NO HOLIDAYS.  i haven't had that in such a long time.  i thought..."how could i get so lucky?"..well my luck changed.  six weeks after started said new job, the company had a revamp in management.  i was offered a job overseeing charter schools within the philadelphia area.  AND I LOVE IT.  i make up my own schedule persay.  today i was working from home for the very first time and how nice was it to take a break and actually take a nap.  hee hee...don't tell my boss.  i love seeing the kids and making their days a little brighter.

then the worse thing i could think of happened....a family member becomes ill.  this is not just the run of the mill sickness, take a few pills and call me in the morning.  no this is the big "C" word.  i still have trouble saying it. can...yeah I can't say it.  i'm afraid that if i say it...that it will become real.  the sad part is, it is real.  my father has cancer.  cancer.  cancer.  amazing how six letters placed in a specific way can change your life forever.  i have so many emotions running through me on any given day it's amazing.  sadness, loneliness, guilt, pitty, anger, rage, helplessness, scared and most of all heartbroken.  i'm to the point that i'm not certain what to say when others approach me and ask how i am.  all i can say if fine, but that is far from the truth.  this is my daddy.  he's my rock.  i need him even at the age of 36.  i just want to run away and escape from reality...forget any of this is happening.  i feel i cannot enjoy life since he cannot enjoy life..

my daddy has cancer