Mar 21, 2014

a month

come this sunday, it will be a month since you left.  with each day, it seems to become harder and harder to overcome.  i still have not come to terms that you are not here.  i'm not sure i ever will.  i hope you are here with me.  could you let me know if you are?  i sit in your chair waiting for you to come in and say "move it".  but you don't.  

Mar 15, 2014

letter to daddy


i knew one day i would have to face the fact that your body would be leaving this world and that i would be walking without you, but so soon? i am trying to be strong.  honest daddy i am, but it is just so unbelievably hard. i know you fought hard, but in the end your body was just so tired. mommy knew.  you two had this bond.  as you both have always said, you are soul mates. i know you are watching over mom now and i hope you don't stop.  she does not say it, but she's scared about being alone.  just don't keep her up too much at night.  i have this constant feeling of hollowness.  i don't know how to make it go away or how i should feel about it.  it just not fair.  you knew, didn't you.  you knew you were going to be leaving.  i told you it was okay but daddy it wasn't.  i lied.  i want more time i want you back.  i'm screaming and giving the middle finger....fuck you!  fuck you you mother fucking caner.  fuck you!

you are my first prince charming. now that you are gone, how will the men in my life ever know or understand the charm you have over people.  hear your corky jokes.  experience your crazy stories.  you never had the chance to walk me down the aisle to my future.  the one thing a girl looks forward to and i denied you that.  my heart is in a million pieces and it will never be the same.  tears stain my face as i write and yes my bottom lip is sticking out.

i just want to hear you say, "love you baby" because daddy, i love you more.