i give up

i cannot understand men.

is there

someone for everyone??  i'm starting to question this.  also is age really important?  how did life become so complicated.  i want answer and i want them now.  i want to see into the future.  is it bright for me.  am i happy.  i realize that these are answers only i can answer or never will know the answer to.  i just want to know.  is that wrong.  if these questions do not have the answers i'm looking for i want to change it so that they will be.  i want to know the feeling of being in love.  to love and to be loved.

i quit

so on monday of this week, i submitted my resignation.  this has been a long time coming.  i've mentioned from time to time how i work for a shitty ass company.  really i do.  so when my coo asked to speak with me on monday, i really was thinking it would be more of getting to know whats been wrong and how they can fix it.  how wrong i was.

i sat in this meeting for an hour and half leaving with me shaking my head.  i explained to my coo how disappointed i was in the company.  how for three months i worked with one day off a week and to even get that day off, i had to find someone to cover for me.  i explained how i had placed my life on hold for this company, not able to make plans within my personal life since i never knew when i would have a day off.  work for a company for two and half years with no performance review or increase.  in turn i was told how i was an inexperience manager, over my head and was the reason of losing a contract.  WOW really????  then in the next breath this person would tell me how she hasn't had a problem with my account and doesn't want to lose me as a manager.

i just know that i am leaving with my head held high.  knowing that i WAS/AM an experience, talented, dedicated, ambitious, driven, hard working, fair manager.  don't you dare, ms coo, think you can beat me down cause what you just did was built me up to laugh as you lose another account due to me...from leaving.

do you believe?

if you could speak with a family member/friend/lover that has passed..who would it be?  do you believe in mediums???

at first i had my doubts of mediums and their skills.....that was until this evening.  my cousin had a medium over her house this evening who channeled our grandmother.  my cuz called me this evening to tell me that our grandmother was asking for me.  i can't tell you how this send shivers down my spine.  this is the grandmother who i was not close to.  i've always had this feeling that she disliked me and how if i had the chance to speak with anyone that had passed, it would be her.  of course this would be something normal a grandmother would do, but then the story gets even more interesting.  she had mentioned my mother.  the medium called my mother by her "nickname" then her full name.  he stated that my grandmother knew my mother was the one and how she's worried about my mother's headaches and stress.  many in my family does not know this (not even my sister) that my father was married once before.  it was a very short marriage.  along with that, two hours prior to my cuz calling me, i was arguing with my mother regarding meds her doctor gave her regarding her stress.  my mother just found out today that she will be going to 12 hour shifts and stated how she's stressing about it.  i don't know if this is coincidence or not, but it sure does make me believe that my grandmother is around as well as others.  and what put the icing on the cake...the medium repeated a common phrase my grandmother would say. if we were about to go somewhere she would always say"i'm coming i'm coming i just need to put my shoes on".

have you ever made a dicision and just know it's for the best.  that's how i feel.  come the 16th of this month, i will be starting a new job.  i'm very excited for several reasons....

1. it will give me more of a life
2. better pay
3. better benefits
4. less responsiblity

i'm sooo very excited and i hope that this will be the best thing for me

so its the end has come

after two and a half years, i have decided to leave my current company.  this is a good thing.  a real good thing.  this last year and a half i have been under utilized as a manager, employee and as a person.  i have been used and abused.  its time for nanners to think of nanners.  i'm excited to start my new adventure.

the search party has eneded

i apologize for the delay in writing.  it has been close to a month since i've posted last.  i'll catch you up...

• i still work for a shitty company
• i'm still in search for love
• have, once again, started looking at homes
• started thinking of myself as mrs. robinson
• started cleaning out my grandmother's house which is bitter sweet knowing that it soon won't be in the family any longer
• have been turned down for three jobs
• went skinny dipping the weekend before last.....AND IT WAS FUN!!!!

so i've been keeping busy as you can see which is no excuse to forget about the blogger friends.

thanks vic for asking where i have been.  LOL